Month 1 (0-4 weeks):
Well first off, for those of you who might not know this, doctors start calculating your pregnancy from the first day of your last period.. so you haven’t even conceived yet and you’re already considered pregnant. They do this cause most people don’t know the exact date that they conceived, I on the other hand know exactly when I conceived cause I got inseminated so to stay on track with system that doctors use I have to add two weeks to my date of conception to know how many weeks ‘pregnant’ I am. Now I know doctors use this method more out of convenience and simplicity than anything else but I actually think that it’s great to think of the first day of your last period as the beginning of your pregnancy on a body, mind and soul kinda tip. So that’s where I want start my Month 1 recap.
My last period started on in late July of 2016. I remember that morning pretty clearly cause I had some serious mixed feeling about my flow coming. Earlier that month, I had a protected hook up but part of me wonder if maybe I’d still get pregnant beyond the fact the we were careful. I have a few friends who got pregnant that way and part of me wanted that to happen to me too. Not cause I was into the guy on that level but cause I felt that if I didn’t that maybe my fertility wasn’t up to par and also cause part of me felt like getting pregnant through a hook up might be more easily accepted by my social circles than the ‘oddness’ of getting inseminated. So when my flow came, I had this sigh of relief cause let’s be really ain’t nobody got time for baby daddy drama plus I knew that insemination was truly the right choice for me but I also felt a twinge of sadness cause I let myself believe that maybe I would get pregnant and it felt like losing a dream. I got over that slump pretty quick though cause August was right around the corner and it was finally time! I had been waiting for this particular month for years now and I couldn’t believe it was actually time. I had already been preparing physically and spiritually for a while by then but in August I really kicked it up a notch and really pulled my resources together so I could be at my optimum when I went in for insemination. The way I saw it, Day 1 of my period was last chance to fully cleanse myself before accepting new life into my womb and I took that task very seriously. From that day to ovulation, I spent a lot of time alone with my body just trying to listen. Keeping watch for the little changes that would indicate that it was time to send in the sperm troops. I am so grateful for that time and I don’t know if I would have had the opportunity to connect with myself on that level if I was in a partnership. I’m not knocking relationships or anything, in fact, I hope that one day I also experience getting pregnant within a partnership but I also acknowledge that right now I need space to grow and journey with my child without a partner and I am truly grateful that the universe has granted me that opportunity. Anyways.. Insemination day came and I was ready! It all felt surreal and I kinda floated through the whole experience but I knew that I had put my energy in all the right places and that I was receiving signs left and right telling me that this is the right path and the right time. I still had fear though.. fear that maybe I didn’t deserve what I was asking for. It felt kinda like a judgement day. I told myself I would try 3 cycles of insemination before I would let myself feel discouraged but truth be told I think I would’ve been devastated from the get go if I didn’t get pregnant on the first try. Not out of entitlement but because I felt very strongly that the time and path was right so if it didn’t work out it would mean that I was worthy and that scared me deeply. The two week wait went well for me, I enjoyed listening to the little changes in my body while trying to be careful not to read too much into them in case I was wrong but deep inside I knew that baby had attached and that it was all happening for real. When I saw my positive test for the first time I didn’t know what to do with myself, I was floating in some sort of suspended reality where I couldn’t really grasp that my dreams were coming true. Not only were they true but I was already 4 weeks in when I saw that positive test. Wow.
So ya the first month of my first pregnancy was definitely a memorable one. I got to know myself in ways I never had before, I learned to trust and listen to my soul in a way I never knew I could, I got to go home to the homeland with my mama for the first time in my grown years, and I found out that I am worthy cause baby choose me and that is the greatest honour.