Oh man I have been waiting a loooong time to finally announce my pregnancy.. publicly. At first I was just following along with the recommended ‘wait till 12 weeks to announce your pregnancy’ cause well that’s what most people do and I didn’t want to jinx anything. Once that I cleared those first 3 months, I knew I wasn’t quite ready to go fully public yet but I figured I could start slowly with work, some friends and family members here and there. Unfortunately a few members of my sample were serious debbie downers (where does this expression even come from?) and made me feel uncomfortable about my story and who I am.
Ok rewind. I should probably give you a quick run down of my story before we move on. As you may or may not know my name is Annick MF (but you can call me Mama MF). I am a young single Black woman living in Montreal. I was raised by my Mama on her own cause my father passed away when I was young and she did an amazing job. From this experience and my young eyes comparing my family life to those of my friends, cousins, etc. I always felt that a Matriarch was the best family format and I could not wait to a Matriarch myself. In fact when I was 12 years old I wrote up a life and budget plan that I presented to my mom breaking down how I was going to have 5 children from different nationalities and that I would be able to support us all because I would be making 100 000$ as a doctor. When she asked me about a husband, I responded I didn’t need one, and when she asked how I was gonna have all these babies without a husband, I said ‘Mom, you don’t have to be married to make a baby’. So ya I didn’t exactly grow up dreaming of prince charming but I ALWAYS dreamed about being a mama. Fast forward a decade or so and I started warming up to the idea of having a partner and creating a ‘nuclear’ family so when I would date someone (or sometimes even just hook up with someone) I kept thinking to myself, ‘is this a potential baby daddy and partner?’. Now I’m sure I’m not the only woman who thinks this way but in my particular case a partner and a baby daddy are two completely separate concepts that I have a hard time negotiating. For one, I had never imagined raising child with a man so it’s really hard for me to warm up to this idea and I get serious fear and anxiety around the fact that once you have a child with someone they’re likely to be a part of your life.. forever. On one hand that sounds great and romantic if we stay partners during that whole ‘forever’ but what if we don’t. From my relationship track record, where my longest relationship has been of 6 months, it’s not looking too hopeful. I have A LOT to learn when it comes to partnership, in terms of my preconceptions, my actions and in terms of how I let myself be treated. This a process that will likely take me many more years before I can confidently enter a partnership that I believe will continue to grow and pass the test of time. That being said, I am ready to be a mother. I have been for while and I don’t feel that readiness for motherhood is affected by my non-readiness for partnership nor vice versa. As I said earlier, I was raised in a Matriarch and that is the family structure that I understand best and comes most naturally to me.
So I made decision for myself and my family to be. I got inseminated. I am so happy, I made this decision. It is a decision that flows with my heart, my self and my values. I feel that with this decision I was able to be ethical towards men (I mean I could stole an ex’s sperm or something like that but nahhh), to be true to who I am and where I am in my life, and to be confident in my dreams and abilities. I won’t lie when I started the process, I was nervous. I felt worried that maybe I was wrong and that I wasn’t worthy of this next stage of my life yet. I had to spend of time self-reflecting on this matter before I could take the jump. I learned to trust my instincts during this time and to hear the messages and guidance that my ancestors and the universe were sending my way. It was a really unique experience and process that I had not expected to go through. When the time came, I knew it was the right time.. I was still nervous that things wouldn’t work out but I knew that was doing this all at the best possible moment. Next thing I knew I was pregnant! After my first insemination trial which is statistically extremely unlikely but I guess baby was ready to meet me too cause it all worked out right away. It’s hard to describe the feeling I felt when I found out I was pregnant but if I had to put it in words I’d say it was something like humble joy. I felt humbled because I took it as a sign that I am worthy of this mama role and joyous for the arrival of this little being I don’t even know yet. And the joy keeps growing everyday.
All of these feelings I described above is what is bubbling inside of me when I excitedly burst out to someone that ‘I’M PREGNANT’ and even if I’m not necessarily close with the person I do expect some sort of congratulatory response (I mean I am carrying the next generation of this world!) but because I’m young, because I’m single and maybe even because I’m Black, I get hit with the ‘Oh’ face and questions/comments like ‘but you’re so young’, ‘oh really, how?’, ‘well that’s interesting’, or the classic.. 10 seconds of silence till they realize they’ve been silent for too long and fumble ‘oh um.. well.. congratulations’. Y’all are the worst. Now I can’t generalize, it’s actually a minority of people that have reacted this way and overall I have AMAZINGLY supportive family, friends, and co-workers but I can’t act like the debbie downers didn’t have me doubting myself for a few seconds. It’s also been difficult cause I have a few friends in couples who’ve gotten pregnant recently (congratulations y’all!) and I can’t but notice the difference in reaction when they bring their news forward or when my singleton self does. So today, I say y’all can suck it. I am pregnant. I am young, single, Black and so unbelievably happy. I’m not a statistic nor a sob story, I’m not undesirable and I don’t hate men, I’m not irresponsible and I’m not naive. But most importantly my child is NOT a desperate try to fill a void, my child is NOT missing out because I’m single mama (y’all never heard of community?!) and my child is definitely NOT a mistake. If you can’t get behind that well.. your loss, but I won’t let you affect my joy, confidence and sense of worth.
For all of you caring souls who have been showing love from day 1, those who are just now joining me and baby boo on this journey, and those we will encounter in the future.. Thank you! I’m really honoured to be on this path and so excited to share it with you all xo