Month 6 (21-24 weeks):
Oh man, this past month has been all about the good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t get me wrong my pregnancy has still be going really smoothly and enjoyably but this has been a rough month on my body. And I don’t even think it’s due to my pregnancy.. at least not entirely. Ok so remember how in my last update I had mentioned that I got sick and that it just wasn’t going away.. well 5 weeks in, I’m still spitting out icky mucus. Ugh.
To be honest, I could deal with the sniffles and mucus but what really brought me down this past month was my asthma which was acting up due to this lingering cold. I’m not someone who likes to use pharma meds so I was steering clear of cough medicine and such by sticking to my natural remedy A-list (Garlic, Honey and Ginger) which usually blasts out any nasty bacteria I have in a few days. When that didn’t work I started feeling a little defeated because the repertoire of safe natural remedies to use during pregnancy and breastfeeding is fairly limited. I had heard mixed information about Oregano oil but when I mentioned it to my midwife she seemed cool with it so I went ahead and took a few drops of my favorite cold blaster. It did work in the sense that my cough got better and my head/sinuses felt clearer but I was still waking up with an asthma attack every morning. When my asthma gets to that point I know I have to go see a doctor cause it means my lungs are too inflamed to even react to my regular asthma medicine. My doctor prescribed my some prednisone which is essentially oral cortisone that soothes body inflammation. I wasn’t keen on taking it cause I don’t know what kind of long term affect it can have on baby boo but I do know that if I can’t breathe, baby can’t breathe and that is a non-negotiable situation. Luckily within two days my lungs felt drastically better and I’m slowly starting to feel like myself again.
A side affect of these past 5 weeks of sickness though has been a heavy sensation of fatigue, laziness and body weakness that all really hit me yesterday. I woke up late in the day and my plan was to tackle the cleaning of my home so I could feel fresh and ready to get some school work done. As I got to the kitchen and started cleaning my fridge, I got this overwhelming feeling of sadness, fear, weakness.. you name it. I just felt awful and I was sobbing trying to figure how the hell am I gonna do this all alone…clearly this wasn’t about the fridge anymore. All these insecurities about my slow weight gain, my ability to keep my home clean and keep with work and keep up with school, whether or not I spend enough time speaking to my baby, feeling guilty cause sometimes I miss my ex, feeling alienated from my friends, ugh alll this stuff came at once and I couldn’t stop crying. Now I do think that I had valid reason to cry but this was also very obviously a pregnancy related hormonal surcharge and it was freaking scary. It’s like I knew that my body was overly reacting to my very real feelings but I couldn’t get it to calm down. Luckily I have a solid family and I called my mom and my little sister who were home with me within 30mins and helped me calm down. They also cleaned with me, fed me and made me laugh which is exactly what I needed. Honestly I don’t know what I would’ve done if they weren’t there for me last night, I’m used to knowing how to kickstart my own self-care and keep myself afloat when things feel rocky but this was more than I could handle on my own.. particularly because it was centred around fears of always having to do everything alone. I realize that being a single mom, these types of emotions might come visit me more than I like (and I’m sure that even coupled mamas feel that way sometimes too) but I definitely don’t want to get hit out of left field like that again. I spent the day thinking about what got me to that point and it became clear that it was really just a few weeks of letting things slip due to my cold. I wasn’t exercising as much as I like to, I was locked indoors for way too many hours in a day, I wasn’t socializing as much, etc. All these little things pile up and I don’t want to fall in that trap again. I gotta be proactive for my well being on all fronts. Tonight is the new moon and I just entered my 25th week of pregnancy so I’m taking the time to revisit what was tough for me this past cycle so I can do better for myself and baby boo this time around. In the morning, I’ll set these intentions and start putting them into action. The only need I’m not sure if I’ll be able to satisfy is my need for sunshine which has been pretty intense these days but we’ll see what the wallet says about that.