Month 7 (25-28 weeks):
I’m 28 weeks pregnant. I am entering my 7th month of pregnancy. I am entering the third trimester. My baby is due 12 weeks… We’re in the big leagues now. To be honest I don’t even think it’s really sunk in yet. I’ve barely made any preparations around my home. I have no sense of what birth will feel like cause I’ve yet to have any significant discomfort this pregnancy let alone braxton hicks (practice contractions). And I can’t even grasp the fact that in just a dozen weeks I will have a newborn in my arms. Honestly, I feel like I could be pregnant forever and not feel bothered at all. That being said whether or not it’s sunk in for me yet, baby boo’s due date is quickly approaching… so let’s try to revisit this past month before I barely notice another 4 weeks pass by.
The past 4 weeks were physically a breeze. Remember how I was complaining of asthma and cold symptoms last month.. well everything has cleared up and I feel MUCH better. I am pretty tired though, I sleep in and take a lot of naps but it doesn’t really interfere with my schedule… except for this afternoon I woke up with drool on my face cause I unconsciously fell into a quick power nap at work (oops). Luckily no one noticed and honestly my boss and staff are super understanding and constantly want to accommodate me and my pregnancy so I doubt it would’ve been an issue. I’m going to check with my midwife though when I see her next to make sure this need for naps isn’t related to my low blood pressure. I’ve had 3 mini episodes in the last 2 weeks where I felt a little light headed and my hands were trembling so I’m trying my best to bring my pressure back up with more snacks and higher salt content. Last time I checked my bp I was 89/58 which is pretty dang low but my midwife assured me that many women (especially those who had low bps prior to pregnancy) experience a bp dip from weeks 26-32, so hopefully it works itself out. Plus apparently, at least in terms of my pregnancy, it’s much better that I have a low bp than a high bp. In any case, outside of those very short episodes and my fatigue, I’ve been feeling great physically. What I have been struggling with on the other hand is my body image and maintaining a fitness routine. My biggest physical self-image issue at the moment are my GINORMOUS breasts. I don’t know if mama nature missed the memo but my breasts were already pretty big in the first place so there wasn’t really a need to make me grow 3 bra sizes. My milk hasn’t even come in yet!! Anyway, this has been a struggle cause their weight and gravity have not been working with me so I don’t feel very comfortable without some sort of breast support and I really miss being comfortably naked in my home. And it’s been hard to see myself naked and not feel like my body is firm and strong as it has been most of my life. To try to help me get through these feelings I started a workout routine that was chest, core and bum focused but in the last two weeks I kept dropping the ball and finding other things I’d rather do than workout. I’m either too tired, too lazy or too busy. In my defence I will say that I am much more motivated to workouts in the morning but that hasn’t been possible these past 2 weeks cause I’m doing some overtime to make up for an upcoming week of vacation. The guilt is getting to me though, so tomorrow morning I’ll try again (wish me luck).
On another tip, these past few weeks have been pretty emotionally draining. Well I’m not sure if it’s really the pregnancy but I’ve been dealing with a lot of sobby nostalgia recently. My ex and I met in February of 2014 and though overall I know it’s best that we’re not romantically involved right now, my heart always thinks of him around this time. It’s usually just sweet thoughts and what I like to think of as healthy saudade but these past few weeks have been more than that. I’ve cried a lot and it’s been a struggle not to get those feelings mixed up with my sense of self-worth. I think this may be because I’m a little more hormonal than usual. Also because pregnancy is inevitably expected to be a couple’s activity.. I went to my prenatal class with my mom this week and the animator referred to all the birth partners as husbands or boyfriends.. ya we definitely felt left out. And lastly, this is the first year that me and my ex aren’t on speaking terms. It’s actually been exactly a year since we last spoke and it’s been really difficult for me. He was a friend and he was family beyond the fact that he was my man at one point so it’s hard not to be able to speak with him.. share this with him.. feel supported by him.. have this key family member around. I feel guilty when those feelings come up though.. like it somehow means I’m not grateful for the blessings I have in my life, that I’m weak for feeling this way or that I shouldn’t be aloud to care for a man I used to share love with because I choose to be a single mama… and single mamas don’t cry about exes. I feel confused sometimes too cause I’m not quite sure if I miss him as an ex or him as my chosen fam and then I get all sorts of anxiety around being how I need to be strong and not stuck in old feelings if I want to focus my energy on this little baby love who already shares so much love with and will need gallons and gallons more once out of womb. At the end of the day though, I have no control of the situation because my ex is the one who cut contact and I long ago promised myself not to try to force people to stay in my life. So I just take it day by day, some teary ones but overall as long as I can still talk about it, I know I’m doing alright. And even when I fear that all this will steal my focus away from my baby boo, I’ll get a nice swift kick in the belly that brings right back to the present moment. Thank you baby, you’re such a grounding force.